I’ve lost someone I didn’t know I loved. He had such life to him, such a personality, and at moments, he would drive me crazy, but that was okay. Sometimes it wasn’t and I put him in his place, but then, out of nowhere, he just died. What pains me dearly is that he was a child. He was ten-years-old and just had his birthday a little over a month before he passed on.
I’ve never experienced a sadness and pain like this before in my life. I’ve never been so heartbroken, seriously. It’s like he took a piece of my heart to heaven with him. To know that I will never be able to tell him that I loved him and to never be able to say a formal goodbye pains me. Every day, I think about this kid. I see signs that he’s around, his spirit I mean.
What was saddening about the whole thing was just the reality of the situation. The wake was brutal. It didn’t even look like him. How could I believe it. “That’s not him!” I would say to myself. I still can’t believe he’s gone. It’s very hard for me to understand it because of how suddenly it happened. One day, he was here, bright and healthy and alive and beautiful. The next day I get told while I’m getting a pedicure that he died. It was so hard for me to control my emotions in a public setting. I just broke down. I couldn’t control myself in the beginning. It was brutal. Absolutely incomprehensible. I will never be able to understand the death of a child. Ever.
I will never ever forget him. He was one of the most special kids I’ve ever met. He was way ahead of his time. I know that God has a very special place for him in heaven.
I didn’t know him very long but I would spend time with him every day and it got personal. I cared tremendously for this kid and didn’t even know it. I usually have my guard up most of the time, but when he passed I was a complete wreck of a person. This event has prepared me for the future, when I will lose those I love the most. It isn’t easy, but this quote has helped me a lot:
“To live in the hearts of those we love, is to never die.”
Another quote that I came upon was this one I found on Social Media:
“Some people leave a permanent impression on your soul. Their light and love, walk your walk for all time. They leave a precious gift for eternity.”
Then, this one really spoke to my heart the most:
“The only thing
that we take
from this world
is our memories,
He was very special to me and I really wasn’t aware of that until he died. He will always be in my heart and on my mind, every day. But, I can tell you I’ve learned so much through this painful journey this past year.
- I learned to never take a single moment with a person for granted because you never know when you’re going to see them again.
- I learned that you must be grateful for each moment you do get with the people you love, because those moments are so beautiful.
- I learned that nothing and no one can take away the memories you have with the loved one you lost.
I learned Phillipians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
- I prayed the serenity prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
- I learned that the love you have for a person only grows stronger when they die.
- You learn to value the people you love so much more, because you know that they and yourself won’t be here forever.
- You learn that there will be a time, very far from now, when you will see that person again.
- I’ve grown stronger in my faith with God. (If you’re not faithful/religious you should just kind of open up to it a bit, you’ll be surprised).
- I’ve learned that I’m angry about it, and that’s okay to be angry about it, but not to hold onto that anger too long because anger can damage my well being.
- I’ve learned that even though someone you love is gone (physically) they are still with you (spiritually).
- I’ve learned that death is something you can never get over. From the moment a person dies, no matter how much time goes by, you will never understand how time can pass so quickly and that person is still gone.
- Time is the most precious thing in the world, don’t squander it. Ever. Use it as best as you can.
- Make sure you spend a lot of time with those you love.
- Honor the ones you loved and continue to love and remember their birthday and death date.
- Never be afraid to talk about the memories you have with them with other people. They left a legacy behind and they will never be forgotten.
- Be brave and show your feelings when you feel them. Don’t hold back what you feel, ever.